Divorce is painful and scary, we all know that. It's much easier to blame the other person and feel like the victim, but if you can embrace the opportunity to examine yourself and how you may have contributed to the end of your marriage, either directly or indirectly, you may be on the road towards a happier life.
"What is the outcome you're looking for?" This is an important question to ask yourself about your divorce. If you are looking for peace, a fresh-start, a path towards a life that is more fulfilling, then you are on the right track. If you are looking for revenge, retribution, retaliation or "winning", you may need to ask yourself if that's ultimately going to bring you happiness. When children are involved, it's critical that you consider the effect it will have on them when you wrestle your spouse to the ground in the courtroom and declare victory (more on that in a future blog).
Often in divorce the feelings of betrayal, hurt, anger and self-rightous indignation can become overwhelming. I've seen even the most calm, non-reactive people get sucked into a bitter fight to "win". A wise divorce attorney recently said to me "it's not about getting revenge and making the other person miserable; it's about finding a way to feel comfortable in your life". This was very important advice and I knew I was speaking to someone with the skill and wisdom to help people through one of the most difficult challenges they may face.
Ultimately, divorce is about a new beginning and finding a new kind of happiness. It takes a lot of work to create that happiness, rarely is it attained by achieving victory over your former spouse. True happiness comes from taking a close look in the mirror, not just any mirror - the kind that magnifies all your pores and lets you see every nook and crany. It's scary to look so closely because we might see things we don't like; however it's only in having the courage to really see that we can create change. Change is scary but it is also where great opportunity comes from.
You deserve to have happiness and peace in your life. If you can embrace your divorce as a part of the journey towards that, you are already heading in the right direction.
